When I first started dating Raj, he told me very early on that this relationship could be very hard. His parents may not take well to the news of him having an American girlfriend. In his culture, dating is happening more and more, but it's still pretty taboo. It didn't help either that I was American.
Why? Why would it matter that I'm American? Several reasons really. Indian's have their stereotypes of American women. Most of them are easily understandable, but that doesn't mean it applies to all of us. In Indian society the bond between parent and child is like nothing I've ever seen. They are extremely close. Making ones parents unhappy is a huge no-no.
Raj and I were both so nervous about telling his parents. Early in our relationship I used to google silly things trying to find other American girls who have gone through similar situations. Many of them said to RUN from Indian boys who refused to ever tell their parents. A lot of times these girls would be with their Indian man for years, and perhaps even have a child together, never telling the parents. Then the boy would visit home and just one day come back (or not even come back) . . . having had an arranged marriage to an Indian girl.
I was horrified. There was no way I could handle something so painful!
BUT, I wouldn't have to. I found myself an honest, genuine person.
He told his family pretty early on. I think he told his sister first, then his dad, and then his mom. I'm not sure that he's ever really given me the full play by play of that conversation, and I'll probably never know how it blew over, but I think it must have been tense.
However, they've tolerated it. At least, as far as what Raj was telling me. Every once in awhile he would relay to me comments they had made and I felt really disheartened. Here I was falling crazy for this boy and I didn't know if we could be together. I fully understood that he comes from a culture entirely different from mine, and that if he had to do what he had to in order to please his parents, I would accept that the best I could.
When I finally got to meet his family, it was hard to say the least. I was terrified the whole time. It's not just the language, and cultural barrier. I was there with his mama bear! I had to tread very carefully. I know it was a hard trip for her, especially seeing us living together (this is something you almost NEVER see in India, it's not considered a good thing)
I did fall in love with his family though. I've never met a more united and close family in my life, and in heart they are all such goodhearted people. I don't know what happened or how, but it truly seems as though they've come around.
Raj is in India currently to attend his sister's wedding and just today he texted me that everyone is missing me and the relatives that know about us (only the close family knows so far) have been asking about me. That's such a wonderful, uplifting feeling! I've found myself really growing fond of his family. After all, if t wasn't for them I wouldn't have Raj!
I hope this can be of some encouragement. Just as Indians may have stereotypes of us American women, we too have our stereotypes of Indian men. Any type of stereotyping is wrong because in the end we are all human, some of us just bound to cultural tradition. Never let a steroetype or a bad story keep you from being with someone, because had I let that get to me, I'd be missing out on the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment